Thursday, July 21, 2005
An Ill-Informed Jump into the Nice Guy Fray...
- I don't prefer assholes, but if you believe you are "nice" and you believe that's the reason that I don't like you, you're an idiot. "Niceness," won't make me dislike you, but it won't make me like you either. No, if you're nice and I'm not into you? It's probably because you suck in some way that is much more important to me than whether you are "nice" or not (e.g., you are stupid; you are a misogynist; you make me want to scratch my eyes out because you are just that irritating; we have nothing in common; I am not physically attracted to you).
- I don't tend to describe people I like as nice, whether the relationship is platonic or romantic. I think I don't tend to value niceness very much, actually - I expect it but I don't applaud it or use it as a descriptor. No, people whom I genuinely like and respect I call cool, awesome, fun, whatever, but if I'm calling you nice it means I really don't have a single other "nice" thing to say about you. Nice is a ridiculous and empty word, generally, and so I don't tend to use it for people I actually like. So, perhaps I don't like you because you are nice after all, because if you're somebody I would call "nice" then probably I really think you suck for reasons unrelated to objective niceness?
My question, however is this: Is it really possible to respond to the guy who tells me that the reason I don't like him is that he's "nice" and that I am just one of the many women who "won't give a nice guy a chance" because I would rather be with "assholes," with the following: "Oh no. It's not that you're a nice guy that is putting me off. It's that I find both your personality and your physical appearance hideous."
No, I tend to let them think I'm into assholes. It's just nicer.