Friday, November 05, 2004


Guess Who Isn't Grading?

You got it - me! I need to grade. Very badly. I also need to clean my desk. And it wouldn't hurt to do some other things as well. But since Wednesday I have slipped into a sad state of laziness and irresponsibility, the shining example of which is that I a) spent the night at Stupid Freud's on Wednesday night, even though I knew that doing so would pretty much mean I was fucking myself for Thursday and b) cancelled my class yesterday because I stayed at Freud's far too long, to the point that it was not possible for me to prepare to teach in the time that I had left before said class was scheduled to begin. I haven't done anything this irresponsible re: teaching since approximately 1999. However, it was a good class to cancel and my students were happy about it. It's just that point in the semester where they're all exhausted and so I think that the no-class thing may have been pedagogically a good thing even if not exactly pedagogically motivated.

So yes, apparently I've entered into some new phase with Freud since last weekend. I'm not sure that I like this phase, nor am I sure that I am exactly in control of how things are progressing. Incidentally, he was (I think) about to reveal something really important about his feelings for me on Wednesday night when we were interrupted by people coming back into the room, and when I asked him about it later and the next day he pretended (well, I think he was pretending) that he didn't remember what he was going to tell me. This has been driving me crazy for over 24 hours now. Annoying. Ah well. I suspect I may hang out with him tonight or tomorrow, even though I don't technically have plans with him. I do want to see him though. Because I'm an asshole and I think I'm starting (albeit late in the day) to actually "like" that fool. I'm not sure whether this is in response to the changing of the seasons or to the fact that I can't stand the fact that he might not "like" me. Or maybe I'm just using all of this non-drama as a distraction from things I'm for real anxious about? This is a highly likely possibility.

Hmmm. What else? Apparently, nothing. I'm still in a post-election funk, I'm not grading or doing any teaching-related work of any kind, I'm thinking about Freud constantly because I am a fool.... Yep, that's the long and the short of it. Perhaps I will achieve some clarity over the weekend?

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