Monday, November 29, 2004
"Academic" Blogging. Huh.
Ok, so I was rereading some of my recent posts, and it occurs to me that while my blogging is "academic" - in the sense of "being marked by a narrow focus on or display of learning especially its trivial aspects (syn: donnish, pedantic)" - I don't blog very much about work at all. I don't really blog about grading (other than to shoot off a quick complaint or a quick mention that I'm not getting it done); I don't really blog about teaching very much or at any length; I don't blog about service (even though I'm doing a shitload and just took on another service thing today at special request from administrative VIP); I don't blog about research. What I blog about, apparently, is boys. I am Dr. Boy-Crazy.
Now, on the one hand this is just fine because I do find my musings on these things worth writing about, if only for the entertainment value of you all. But on the other, I wonder whether I write about these things in order not to reflect upon/think about my academic life because I feel so... in limbo... with things right now. Or maybe I'm bored with thinking about my academic life because I spent so many years focusing on it alone? Or, perhaps, I'm weirdly embarassed to write anything too specific about research or teaching or whatever because of how I might be judged (although I have absolutely no problem writing about things that are technically "personal," like getting fucked senseless). And then there is the fact that others write about this stuff all of the time and I don't want to be redundant.
I'm not sure what the point of noting this in a blog post is... other than, perhaps, to start thinking about why I'm so closed-mouthed about my work not only on the blog but in my everyday life, too. I'll talk to anybody in the world about blow-jobs and whatever else one isn't supposed to discuss in mixed company, but ask me about my work and I deflect and distract and feel utterly mortified. Somehow, the work is personal -deeply personal in a way that relationships, etc., just aren't for me - and I think it might be time for me to deal with that though I'm not sure how or when that will happen. And maybe using the blog for that would be a really good thing, since the blog does discipline me in ways that my journal just can't.
Now, on the one hand this is just fine because I do find my musings on these things worth writing about, if only for the entertainment value of you all. But on the other, I wonder whether I write about these things in order not to reflect upon/think about my academic life because I feel so... in limbo... with things right now. Or maybe I'm bored with thinking about my academic life because I spent so many years focusing on it alone? Or, perhaps, I'm weirdly embarassed to write anything too specific about research or teaching or whatever because of how I might be judged (although I have absolutely no problem writing about things that are technically "personal," like getting fucked senseless). And then there is the fact that others write about this stuff all of the time and I don't want to be redundant.
I'm not sure what the point of noting this in a blog post is... other than, perhaps, to start thinking about why I'm so closed-mouthed about my work not only on the blog but in my everyday life, too. I'll talk to anybody in the world about blow-jobs and whatever else one isn't supposed to discuss in mixed company, but ask me about my work and I deflect and distract and feel utterly mortified. Somehow, the work is personal -deeply personal in a way that relationships, etc., just aren't for me - and I think it might be time for me to deal with that though I'm not sure how or when that will happen. And maybe using the blog for that would be a really good thing, since the blog does discipline me in ways that my journal just can't.
