The Chronicles of Dr. Crazy

Instead of doing all of the things that one needs to be doing, such as

1. Research/Writing, most notably related to paper for upcoming conference, but also just generally....
2. Grading
3. Prepping for classes

One has instead spent her time

1. Cleaning out email (start: 1336 messages in inbox; finish: 35 messages in inbox; approx. 600 messages deleted; all other messages sorted into folders)
2. Doing book orders for Spring
3. Working on Flier for Spring course
4. Working on Syllabus for Spring course
5. Considering cleaning one's desk/catching up on filing, but not yet sinking to this level of procrastination
6. Sending emails to long lost friends
7. Whining in the above emails about how much I hate certain courses that I will always have to teach unless I get a new job
8. Worrying about going on the market and the fact that some in my department are suspicious that I am going on the market, which I don't really want them to know because a. I'll be embarassed if everybody knows and I don't even get a first interview and b. because I think people will be upset if they know that I'm looking and will treat me differently and it will make my life here suck, which it actually doesn't other than related to the certain classes that I have to teach (see 7).

I know I'm not the only one feeling overwhelmed and yucky right now, but I've got to say that while it does help to know I'm not alone it doesn't quite make me feel any better or stop me from procrastinating (even though, as others have noted before, my version of procrastinating isn't technically procrastinating because I procrastinate with other work that I will need to get done sometime, which is really just working on the wrong things at the wrong time and not procrastinating at all). The sad fact is, if I would just take care of all of the things that I need to take care of, I wouldn't feel quite so irritable. Well, and if I didn't have the PMS, which only makes the academic procrastination/frustration/angst feel worse. So wish that I didn't have hormones sometimes (but then I think better of this notion, because without hormones I would be even more fucked up, I think).

But I think I'm done with the self-flagellation, at least until tomorrow. I plan to spend the afternoon/evening doing laundry, cooking, and reading and (in some ways happily) not watching baseball. Go Sox and all that, but I'm kind of tired of watching baseball and being anxious every night - the day off will be nice!

(That said, I might lose my mind at some point over the coming days because of the crazy excitement I feel about the Boston Red Sox and I will be devastated if things happen that I will not speak of and I will lose my mind with joy if other things that I can't speak of happen. And yes, I'm a superstitious, ridiculous human being.)